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If you
have a cat at the office or at the office in your home, you
probably understand that the little furry beasties can be as
demanding as some customers.
The problem is this: cats and computers don't mix. They like
to sit on keyboards and stare you in the face. If they sit on
the wrong combination of keys, they could type unintelligible
things, shut down applications, delete a proposal that took
nine hours to write or, gods forbid, send e-mail full of garble
to your best client.
Thankfully, there's a solution that doesn't require getting
rid of your furry little beast.
Chris Niswander is defending the world and its computers against
"Panic" and his minions with a program called PawSense. "Panic"
is a translation of "Deimos," the son of the Greek god Ares
and the Greek goddess Aphrodite. It's also, incidentally, the
name of Niswander's sister's cat.
Niswander was inspired to create PawSense after Deimos (the
cat, not the demigod) crashed his sister's computer and uninstalled
some software. "We're not sure exactly how Deimos did it, but
I know that just about anything you can get your computer to
do, you can generally do through weird keyboard shortcuts,"
he said.
When PawSense detects the weight of a feline on a keyboard,
it turns off keyboard access to the computer and attempts to
frighten the cat away with one of four annoying, anti-cat sounds.
One of those sounds is a recording of Niswander badly imitating
an opera signer, which this reviewer discovered annoys both
cats and office colleagues. Pavarotti, he is not.
It can also trigger one "not annoying" sound that builds in
intensity the longer the cat stays on the keys.
To test this program, a 10-year old tabby named Roo was employed.
She was mildly distracted by most of the annoying sounds but
was particularly dismayed by the harmonica sound, which sounds
a bit like a four-year-old with the instrument up his nose.
The "not annoying" sound is a recording of the programmer's
voice gently saying "get off the keyboard," though he sounds
as if he just came off of drugs administered during day surgery.
If your cats like all the sounds, you can record your own annoying
sound or even your own voice telling the little furballs to
please get off the keyboard. Something like: "Get the heck off
my keyboard you ratty little moggy!" Feel free to play with
the syntax.
Results may vary from cat to cat.
The program also has a screensaver that kicks in after a period
of time that you set. It will also blacken the screen after
a further period of time.
If you have a piece of software that uses weird keystrokes,
PawSense has a setting that will not allow anti-cat tactics
during this combination. The program will also start up automatically
once a PC is booted.
When a cat does activate the software, regular computer function
can be reinstated by clicking on a large button or by typing
"human." The product won't need an upgrade unless cats learn
to type.
Why do cats like to sit on keyboards? Why is such subterfuge
necessary?
"I think that, for some cats, keyboards are kind of like those
weird sandals with all the rubber nubs pointing upwards on the
sole. Shiatsu for cats, maybe," postulated Niswander. His own
cat, Titan, has been fostered by kind relatives since Niswander
moved into smaller, cheaper digs to better afford starting up
his software business in Tuscon, Arizona.
Another theory is that they do it because we do it. "In the
end it can be hard to know why cats do what they do," Niswander
said. "Some make a lifestyle of being as mysterious as possible."
Reviewer's rating: 4.5 / 5
Comments: PawSense is useless if you don't have cats, although
it's fun to play with. Cat, rat and elephant owners will love
this product.
System requirements: Windows 95/Windows 98, 3.5 inch
floppy drive, 8 MB RAM, 1 MG hard disk space, sound card and
speakers, cat (optional).
More info: http://www.bitboost.com
Price: $25.49 US, $36 Canadian (including delivery by
airmail)
$28 US / $40.50 Canadian (including delivery by UPS Priority
Mail)
International pricing also available.
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Adding RAM is easy, 
